I haven't been doing well lately.

Well, that's not really special, you can find a lot of people out there who aren't doing great. I feel like I'm doing worse than the baseline not great, though? Maybe, maybe not.

It's painful realizing that you wouldn't be missed if you died, that no-one out there really loves you. 'Course, that probably isn't true, but it sure feels like it is. I'm drowning in a sea of my own negativity, and I can't reach the surface no matter how hard I struggle. Really makes me feel like I'd be better off dead.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill myself. I don't have the conviction for it; death is usually painful, and I'm afraid of pain.
I wish I was dead, but I don't wanna die.

Sigh. Whatever. Mental crises aren't anything special, and I'm not special for having one.
Christmas was yesterday. It was fine. My childhood best friend and his father came over. Honestly he's really my only friend at this point, and one of the few things keeping me (relatively) sane.

All right. That's it for today. See you later, maybe.